Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
