so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
