Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
