I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize