Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
