i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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