Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
