Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
