After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
