just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Couch. On fire.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize