Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
