i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
