You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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