we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
