You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this boner is exhausting
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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