absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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