my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
