I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
