You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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