ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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