It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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