the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
