He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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