They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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