I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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