I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
