His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
