idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize