Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
