I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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