is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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