Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
