I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
