i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
