Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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