In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
