ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My pussy is not your playground.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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