Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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