She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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