she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
