sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
