Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
