I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
His nipple licking is glorious
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