So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
