quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
