Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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