can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize