Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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