I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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