I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
