check it out our google latitudes are spooning
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Are my feet made of real feet?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
