i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
