its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
