he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
