i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I understand Curling. That high.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
