I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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