I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
