dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
