The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
