she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
