Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
