piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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