Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
