He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
