Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
