Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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