I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
