For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize