Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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