she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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