The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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