i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
even my farts smell like vagina
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
