So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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