You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
