Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
