In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
