she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
