My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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