she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
