Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
