So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
