He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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