I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
