Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
