So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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