You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
