i wish starbucks made bloody marys
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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