Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
